Things are still moving

I have started this blog entry several times.  Only to find myself at a loss to finish.  Its a mixed bag of emotions.  Just when you think you have it all under control, the bottom falls out.

Well my March deadline for the doctor I work for came and gone.  Things would get better, then it would get worse, then better, and then absolutely the most terrible you could imagine.  There was a two month span that made me do something about it.  I have an issue, I am a fixer.  I try to fix things and pour all of myself into it.  Every single ounce of myself, even sacrifice my personal time and money to try to get things to work.  Things changed, but only for the worst.  I kept coming home and complaining to my husband.  One evening he said to me " I am sick of him being the center of every conversation we have, he isn't worth my time!!  Sara, I always support you in whatever you do, but I cannot in this situation."  Which put my mind into to motion.  One thing I cannot stand is people who complain and do nothing about it.

I tried to talk to him several times, with no change, just more turmoil and stress added to the situation after every time we would talk.  It would mostly start with him approaching me while I was working, with in the range of patients and everyone could hear, to make things even more stressful, it was usually about things that I wouldn't want everyone to hear.

We went to Puerto Rico to visit Luis family.  While there, this decision is all I could really think about.  What was I going to do? How would I do it? How would he act?  I first talk to the doctor that I work part time for (in the same office) and tell him, I think dentristy is not for me any more and that I am going to get out for a while.  Then if I chose to go back to dentistry, I think I will look in Oral Surgery or Periodontics only - my strong points.  He gave me an offer and said to think about it.  The next few days went well with the doctor, so I countered the offer him with working for both.  He said he'd rather not, but understood my loyalty to the family.  The VERY next 3 days were quite possibly some of the most uncomfortable days of my adult life.  I approached the other doctor and asked if the first offer was still available and  if the answer is yes, then I'll take it.  He accepts.  For the next week, I attempt to give my 30 day notice.  He always slips out before patients are all gone and I am unable to do it.  I do not like ambush people but the day before I actually gave my notice, was one of the worst days chairside.  Also that day, that I gave my notice, his actions solidified all my thoughts of why I was actually doing this.  When I took him in the office, he was shocked obviously. Things only got worse from there.  Saying he felt betrayed and he just tried to help all the ways he knew how to.  There is so much more than was said, but the more I think about it, it pisses me off.

Today he came to me at the front desk and sat next to me and started asking questions about a trip the other doctor is taking me on.  The other doctor sent in a request for registration on May 28th.  He said so for all this time we were plotting behind his back for this master plan and blah blah blah.  I quickly get very aggravated because I work for BOTH of them until August 15th.  So I continue to counter him with questions about why it would not be appropriate for the doctor to ask me to go.  His answer is because I never told him about it.  I have a very simple thought behind that.  Why would I tell him in May when the actual trip was still up in the air.  Anyhow it doesn't matter.  Bottom line is I have a new job doing what I have always wanted to do in dentistry since I went to dental assisting school.  It only took about 8 years but hey, who is counting?

And the new fulltime doctor is taking me and the rest of the office to Vegas for a implant conference.  My cousin is getting married at the end of this month, so we are flying into KC and going to spend a few days there and then go down to my hometown for the wedding.  I'll elaborate more on our trip to PR later, my mind is like mush after all this!

Snow day ... Err ... ICE day!

So today is deemed an ICE day.  We have received what I can tell about 1.5 inches of sleet and it comes and goes at varying speeds, but is all adding up.  I am glad that both the doctors I work, called the day last night, instead of what has happened to me in the past where I drive into work and then no else is able to get there and I am left to cancel the entire schedule and then get to travel home.  I have the luxury at this office to bring home an office phone to answer and when the PC feels like it - allows me to remote in to the office network so I can access all the scheduling information.

I was planning on being able to do all of that - although it hasn't worked for me at the moment ... I'll try again.  I am still amazed at the amount of trash calls we get daily.  In the grand scheme of things while you are at the office, you just answer them and its always the same people over and over again.  When its only them calling you - its like wow - that's alot!

Its been a great transition into working two jobs at once.  I like being busy and this keeps me that way for sure.  I like the ability to feel accomplished.

I have spent most of the day today, answering the office phone and calling places I needed to call for a while to get somethings taken care of.  I have actually been able to do a lot!

I have plans to go see my family for my birthday, that is if the weather here and or there is cooperating.  If there is any bad weather we will not be travelling.  Its just not worth it.  We also will be taking the cats with us, since Mango cannot be trusted with Tito alone, for more than one work day.  She is very mean to him, not sure why because she hasn't always been.

Anyhow, just a quick update!

Things to be happy about

While there are things that I am always happy about on a daily basis, sometimes you just have little thoughts about life in general and things you are happy about.

Last night - I was happy that Mango was very playful.  Sometimes I worry that she is depressed because of the move from our house in Louisiana or because of the new kitten.  But last night, she was very excited, running through tunnels and playing with feathery mice and feather toys.  Mango LOVES feathers!

Today, while driving to work, I had this thought of something I was happy for, well most because it helped form the person I am today.  Leading up to this ... its going to sound like I am really full of myself, but I am not.  While driving, I thought ... I am actually happy I didn't look this good in college or HS.  If I would have more people would have liked me and more guys would have been interested.  I don't know that I would be the same person had things been different for me.  In my mind and eyes things may have been easier for me and made me not want to work as hard for things.  So I am grateful that I was more homely in HS and college, and that more people made fun of me and chose not to befriend me.  Make me struggle for things I did get.  It really made me a great person, well that's my opinion anyhow!

I want to start another mason jar for accomplishments for 2015.  We did one in 2013, and I was supposed to make it into a scrapbook project. Well, as some know, I am not that creative or artsy, so yeah - haven't completed it yet .....  I will do that and a shadow box I have been meaning to complete for the guest room.  Oh lord, I am not going to go in all the things I  have waiting to be crafted because I'd run out of characters for this blog period!  I also have a bunch of tshirts of mine and Luis that I would love to have made into a tshirt quilt.  Actually I asked a girl that works in the office we are in - and she has done a few of these  - so I am excited!  She can do that .. so just take that off my list of crafts to be completed! haha! outsourcing is how I do my crafting!

I'll leave you with another great cat and cat dad picture.  Luis called this one " the cat round table"  Mango was up to speak her mind in the photo, because she has the blue toy!

Weekend Round Up

I hope your weekend went well.  Mine was pretty good!

I didn't have to go into the office on Friday, so I was able to complete ALL my weekend duties on Friday. It was awesome!  We even went grocery shopping that evening after Luis got home from work.  I am now convinced the best time to do your grocery shopping is on Friday evening.  The store had everything I wanted and there was barely anyone in there!  It was probably a fluke!

Saturday we went to one of Luis co-workers home for traditional Chinese teas and dinner.  It was really an enjoyable experience.  I met one other co-worker that I had not met before.  One of his co-workers was a little distant acting the last time I met him (the first time) but this time he was very outgoing and bubbly and we had a lot of fun talking.  I feel like his co-workers wives just never get me, and that's fine. We are not close in age at all, and I think that is what really separates us, and more than anything I tend to get along with men better anyhow.  The food was really good, I didn't eat too much other than veggies, since I didn't want to over do it. I had somethings like Lotus, that I have never tried, and to my surprise the way it was prepared was great.  Some of the things were not in my flavor palate, but everyone likes different taste anyhow.

Sunday we just hung out and relaxed.  We have not had that kinda day in a while.  It was actually very  nice.

I worked on veggie and food prep for the week.  Trying to make a menu up weekly.  Its hard.  I do not have recipes for most things I make, its all kinda just come out of my head.  So if and when I get a second job, I'll have to actually write down for Luis how to make somethings, because he will have no idea.

Today we are having BBQ ribs and "coleslaw" it is coleslaw but just a little bit differently made so its with no sugar and no mayo, but still comes out tasting like it. The ribs are from my dad's farm, so they should be awesome.

I will leave you with an adorable picture of Luis and Mango - she is just so darn cute ... and my husband too!

Childhood

Last night my sister messaged me about something she seen on the local sheriff's facebook page from back home.  My childhood friend had been arrested for burglary of 8 homes - most of the things were found at his house, according to the report and possession of controlled substances.  Its hard to see him like that.  We had our birthday parties together from Kindergarten until the last time we had a party at the bowling alley together.  I really do not remember what grad our last joint birthday party happened.   He was my firs crush in grade school and because we always sat alphabetically in school we always sat next to one another, shared a birthday, and his mom was/is my mom's mail lady!  Its just surreal.  Like I told my sister, the thing that bothered me the  most, was the lack of life in his eyes (in his mug shot)  He just looked cold and dead in the eyes.  He has children and a wife I think, maybe not.  The last time I seen him was one time I was back home whenever the gas station Delano was still open.  We almost hadn't recognized one another.  Actually, I think he spoke to me first to be honest.  We were in school from K-12 together.  I admit, college and life after HS (if you do not go to college) changes people.  If it was not for facebook, I am unsure if I would actually keep up with one from Salem.  Not that I would not want to - just I wouldn't know how to!  Heck the same goes for people from college!

Things are moving slow with the interviews/applications I put out there for a part time job.  I know background checks take a bit so its okay.  Maybe its a sign from the universe that I need to just have one job?  Whenever I was younger and had 2 jobs (most of the my adult life while in college) it didn't take me long at all to pick up the 2nd job.  Again, ahh adulthood!

Tomorrow we have an event of sorts to go to.  Luis works with a guy from China, he just purchased a home here with his wife and son.  I guess tomorrow is ment to be like a house warming party, where his wife will be making traditional Chinese foods served with traditional Chinese teas.  I know it would be VERY rude to go there and eat nothing, so I will eat a few bites of things, not enough to derail me at all.

I have lost so far since January 5th - 8.4lbs. Just rocking right along!

The best compliments ..

What are the best compliments?  Words of praise?  Being told you are appreciated?  Gifts? There is a lot more ideas there, but my personal favorite compliments are peoples actions or when they never say much, but when they do it is profound.

That happened to me yesterday.  I have been mulling around an idea of business to open in the are I live.  Its always been a dream of mine to be able to open a place like this and be successful.  One thing is for certain, I will be successful, just the road getting there is a slight bit bumpy.  I have talked to a few people about said idea, and I get a lot of slack - seems to be that no one really believes in me.  That's okay - haters are motivators! They tell me that its going to be long hours and a lot of hard work.  No really?! Never would have got that - that's what I do regardless of what the job is - I am fully vested - more like 120% even whenever my name isn't the one on the front door, nor am I personally reaping any of the benefit of my hard work.  I am a pretty selfless person and getting taken advantage of is what I am good at, whenever it comes to working.  Anyhow!  So yesterday, a person I work with said that they would be an investor come the summer for my business idea, because they knew I would be amazing at anything that I do.  That ... that to me is the best compliment I have ever received.  I always believe in myself, even whenever no one else does.  Sometimes its out of spite, but hey whatever motivates you.

This is going to happen, I am sure of it now.  I will start doing all that I have to do to get the ball rolling, with or without anyone else's help, except my investor.

I guess really after typing it all out.  The best compliment is TRUST.  Whenever someone actually trusts you, you feel more confident with your thoughts and visions.  Whenever people give you excuses and/or ask your opinion on something and then do the complete and utter opposite, then wonder why there not getting anywhere, it breaks you down.  As if your words were okay to hear, but you obviously have no idea what you are talking about!

2015 is on a good track so far.  Things look to be a positive year.  I know it will be a tough year, but that's okay.  Good thing I am a very tough person and look forward to big challenges!

Good News?

I try to make on only one post per day, so yesterday whenever I received some good news from my friend back in MO, I wanted to update but held back.

There is multiple reasons why I wanted to update.  Some good and some bad.

She had called me a few weeks back and it was the weeks that we were staying late at the office for patients, and I just had never remembered to call her back. I seen that she was on facebook while I was getting all my tax documents together, since it is that time of year.  Whenever she replied that she had something to tell me, I already had an idea of what it was.  She calls me and she says she is pregnant.  She prefaced with she was almost sad to tell me the news, which to some would be disrespectful, but to me met that actually cared about my feelings.  I know its a troubled situation for her, but I am happy for her and I know she will be a great mother.  She waited 7 months to tell me.  She is truly a great friend, and even though we have not been close through out the bought with infertility, I still feel like she is literally one of my only family or friends that truly understands what I am going through mentally/emotionally.  Which is just amazing to me.

I am not going to lie and say that I remained super joyous after I hung up with her.  That would be a complete lie.  I literally walked into the office where Luis was sitting on the couch and curled up in his arms and just cried for a while.  All the cats came and sat by and on us while we just cried for a bit.  No words were spoken, or even needed to be said, just tears.  My friend had given me a little infant outfit back whenever we first started treatments, and I kept it in a hope trunk.  Well Sunday, with 2015 being my b*tch, I finally opened the hope trunk to face the outfit, and reached in and threw it in the trash.  I love my friend and I love her idea of being positive and not lose faith, but hey I also have to face reality as well.  That was my/our way of dealing with things.  Now I wish I would have saved it to send to my friend who is now having a baby.

Will things ever be the same with any of my friends, probably not.  All of us have moved in different directions of our lives, with different goals and aspirations.  I can still relate mostly to her, others I have lost the connection with.  There may never be another connection with other friends sadly.  Some of my own family that I was the closest to, I no longer have a connection with.  These types of situations happen all throughout adulthood.  Some people never really experience it, but Luis and I both have.  It is sometimes sad whenever you feel like you have no friends to call and chat with, but if we did, what would we talk about?  The past?  Its the past for a reason.  I have no need to keep reliving the past and pretending like I want to go back there.  While it was fun at the time, its really not that important now.

Sorry, I went into a rant sort of!  Ahhh adulthood ...... being an adult is sometimes very trying.

Starting a new year.

I once proclaimed in 2012 that 2013 would be my b*tch, and well for a lack of better description, yes, yes it was my b*tch.  I was very thrilled with that.  2014 - we had a love hate relationship.  A lot of great things happened and a lot of not so great things happened.  I suffered with just being in a blah stance on life - after all of the not so great things happened.

Well I am happy to say that 2015 will be OUR b*tch, and well mine too - because everyone knows in a marriage - what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine - quoted from a very intelligent woman - Joyce Tiefenthaler.  I am sick of being a person sitting on the sidelines, waiting for good things to happen to me.  I know some of those things will never happen for us, and we are dealing with that.  I know there are things that I/we can make happen, and this year, we will.

I once swore I'd never have it in my kitchen again - it was all but a crutch.  It is a crutch, but acknowledging that is that is fine.  I am talking about program food.  Its okay, its my fuel, its our fuel.  It will fuel us to our goal, and once we get there I am going to go about transiting a little different.  The transition for most programs, as I hate to admit since I am a coach for the company, are made to make  you keep coming back. I will skip wheats and grains, which it has you be very co dependent on in transition. I immediately started to gain weight - which is normal, but only 10lbs or so.  Then I of course, was too cocky and went over board and ended where I am now.

I started last week back on the program.  Today I did my first weigh in - I had lost 10lbs.  Which is normal for the first week - its basically a detox.  I hope to be at goal in about 6 months - which is not too drastic - I am definitely  not trying to lose 110+lbs again.

I am also trying to get a second job.  I really like my job that I have now, the pay is just not what I need to be at.  I took a pretty significant pay decrease when we moved to Texas.  Also, I didn't have a paycheck for close to 5 months, so that hit us pretty hard.  I need to get caught back up.  I am sure as most of you are enjoying the low low gas prices, I am not.  I'd rather they'd go back like they were so that my husband's occupation wouldn't be so questionable.  All oil and gas companies are laying off employees by the thousands.  Its very nerve racking, and just completely unsettling.  So I am trying to make the best of it, by getting a second job, to hopefully build back our savings, incase of an emergency.   Thats all I am going to say about that - that is the stress I am dealing with.  Other than the constant dealings with not being trusted completely and the constant snooping - but then being told I am trusted.  That will never stop because that is just who I work for.  In that sense I am learning to deal with that too.

This was supposed to be a small entry that turned into something more!

Just make 2015 your b*tch people!

Massive Update to present

Its been a long while since I have made a post.  There has just been so much going on, almost too much to post.

November was a whirlwind of a month.  The office was actually pretty busy around the holidays, because apparently everyone wants to get a root canal the week before and the week of Thanksgiving.  Doesn't seem like something I'd be interested in - but hey - to each their own.  Also, MIL visited for 2 weeks, maybe a little longer - first part of December.  This visit was different, which I knew it would be, especially with Luis having family here in Dallas.  I thought it would be a great Thanksgiving - and I guess in the eyes of some it was a great holiday.  For me, not so much.  Sure, I loved cooking - you know like prepping things the week of - late at night because I had patients every day the week of Thanksgiving that lasted until the later hours of the evening. Getting home around 9 to eat and do laundry then start prepping things is not the most ideal situation, but hey, its in the name of love, family and the holidays.  Thanksgiving morning I made the traditional Thanksgiving breakfast, pumpkin french toast - they turned out very good I'd like to say.  We watched the Macy's parade while I started on the pies and the Turkey.  I also cleaned the entire house - like deep cleaned, because of the cat hair, and there was going to be little kids in the house.  I also made a few appetizers to snack on since we were not having an actual lunch meal that day.  I made a veggie pizza, dill bread bowl dip, little bbq smokies, and some cheese and crackers, olives - you know little snack-y foods.  I also made lemonade for the kids to drink and sangria for the adults.  I worked tirelessly in the kitchen for what seemed like 24 hours but was actually only about 6.  I made a 25lb turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sauteed green beans w/pearl onions and bacon, roasted brussel sprouts w/bacon, corn casserole, and rolls.  I also made two pies from scratch - a pumpkin and apple cinnamon.  I'm sure there is something else I am forgetting in there as well.  Luis Mom made some potato salad and some yellow rice.  I cleaned up all the finger foods, put all the foods out on the serving table.  I just sat back while people filled their plates in enjoyment ... that was until I seen that no one ate any of the food that I had made, except Luis.  Sure they had a little bit of corn casserole and turkey of course, but that was it.  Things changed from that moment.  I will never prepare another family style meal for a holiday again.  I had to eat all the left overs myself for the entire week.  I finally had to make shepards pie to get rid of the last of them so they wouldn't spoil.  I was just very hurt.  I had went out of my way to make a great holiday experience and that's not the result that happened. I was ignored (which happens sometimes by accident since I don't speak spanish) I don't care about that as much as why have me cook the meal if no one is going to eat it, especially if you know or should I say don't want them to eat it.  This trip I kept picking up little hints of resentment everywhere.  I knew things would be different, I really did.  We are in a new to us house, that is 30 years old and like half the house we had before.  To someone who visits its like night and day to what we had before, it really is.  But we really love our house - except the windows - we for sure need new windows!  I was so aggravated and hurt from Thanksgiving, we didn't even go black friday shopping - just to a few places like Petsmart, Khols, and Carters.

So on ward to December.  It starts off slow and I get somethings accomplished.  Then it would seem that after our work Christmas party the month melts away.  Again, people with the obsession of getting root canals done the week of Christmas, we are here late every night the week before Christmas, and luckily we were closed the week of Christmas.  I made cookies for all of the referring offices and went and delivered them, all the offices loved them.  I also made some sugar hand scrubs for one office that refers a lot to us.  I think that went over very well with them. I really enjoyed making them and that office in general so its worth it to me.  We went to back to MO to celebrate Christmas.  My dad is in the process of remodeling/adding on to his house, so he had the room for us to stay instead of paying for a hotel for the week and boarding the cats.  We were able to travel with the cats and include them for Christmas.  I cleaned a lot at my dads and we helped him get a few things set up at his house.  I just cleaned a lot .... a lot!  We also helped him hang up the TV and sound bar.  Luis worked on the farm, cut wood, fixed fences, fed cattle and pigs.  The cats really enjoyed the country life style.  They loved looking at all the wildlife all of the time.  There is always something moving around outside of my dad house.  Christmas was pretty good, only a few hiccups of arguing with family.  I didn't travel outside of Salem at all, well once to Rolla to mail a package.  It was actually nice.  I stayed at my dads most of the day while Dad and Luis worked on the farm, and I would cook and clean.  Then in the evenings, whenever everyone was off of work, we would go to my Mom's to hang out.  We are still trying to figure out what our Christmas is supposed to be like without Grandma Joyce.  Its difficult making a new family tradition, when all you know is the one you have had all your life changes.  We did Christmas Eve similar to what we have always done, we did buffet style food and opened gifts.  Things were rushed a little bit because my sister had to go clean a store, but my dad went with her to help. Christmas day we had a traditional type Christmas dinner and played some Christmas games that I had brought up with us.

Next year I would like to see things be a little bit more relaxed, so that Julian can actually open all his presents without being rushed and that we all can eat and chit chat together without having to eat some and then let Amber leave and finish after the presents were shredded in about 5 mins.  I just like things to be a bit more relaxed.  I was unaware I would be setting up all the food for the buffet, I would have not cleaned my dads house and went up and did that at my Moms with my sister Amy and set up all the stuff for that evening with Amy.  Now I know for next year!  I'll be better prepared!

One thing I forgot to post about is that we adopted a new kitten around Thanksgiving.  His name at the shelter was Ember - he has been renamed to fit our cat pack as Tito.  I have a feeling this one is going to be giant.  He is a blonde wonder cat as well, but instead of the swirl markings that Mango and Rico have, he has stripes.  Tito is 8-9 months old and such a sweet big kitten.  I say big because he is like 4 times the size of my moms kitten that is about the same age.  Tito has massive paws, like huge!  He is cuddly and kissy. Rico and Tito are best buds, while Mango is still letting him know that all the house is hers, she just lets the rest of us hang out there from time to time.  Tito is going to eat Luis and I out of house and home before too long.  He is always hungry and is just a bottomless pit of kitten belly.

So that brings us in the new year.  Already, its been kinda bumpy, but already getting better.  I am finding new drive, in different avenues.  Things I did not think I would want to do are seeming like I will do them, it may take me sometime to be able to get everything together to set up.  But believe this, I will achieve it, just because people have doubt in me.