Last night my sister messaged me about something she seen on the local sheriff's facebook page from back home. My childhood friend had been arrested for burglary of 8 homes - most of the things were found at his house, according to the report and possession of controlled substances. Its hard to see him like that. We had our birthday parties together from Kindergarten until the last time we had a party at the bowling alley together. I really do not remember what grad our last joint birthday party happened. He was my firs crush in grade school and because we always sat alphabetically in school we always sat next to one another, shared a birthday, and his mom was/is my mom's mail lady! Its just surreal. Like I told my sister, the thing that bothered me the most, was the lack of life in his eyes (in his mug shot) He just looked cold and dead in the eyes. He has children and a wife I think, maybe not. The last time I seen him was one time I was back home whenever the gas station Delano was still open. We almost hadn't recognized one another. Actually, I think he spoke to me first to be honest. We were in school from K-12 together. I admit, college and life after HS (if you do not go to college) changes people. If it was not for facebook, I am unsure if I would actually keep up with one from Salem. Not that I would not want to - just I wouldn't know how to! Heck the same goes for people from college!
Things are moving slow with the interviews/applications I put out there for a part time job. I know background checks take a bit so its okay. Maybe its a sign from the universe that I need to just have one job? Whenever I was younger and had 2 jobs (most of the my adult life while in college) it didn't take me long at all to pick up the 2nd job. Again, ahh adulthood!
Tomorrow we have an event of sorts to go to. Luis works with a guy from China, he just purchased a home here with his wife and son. I guess tomorrow is ment to be like a house warming party, where his wife will be making traditional Chinese foods served with traditional Chinese teas. I know it would be VERY rude to go there and eat nothing, so I will eat a few bites of things, not enough to derail me at all.
I have lost so far since January 5th - 8.4lbs. Just rocking right along!
Friday, January 23, 2015
Thursday, January 22, 2015
The best compliments ..
What are the best compliments? Words of praise? Being told you are appreciated? Gifts? There is a lot more ideas there, but my personal favorite compliments are peoples actions or when they never say much, but when they do it is profound.
That happened to me yesterday. I have been mulling around an idea of business to open in the are I live. Its always been a dream of mine to be able to open a place like this and be successful. One thing is for certain, I will be successful, just the road getting there is a slight bit bumpy. I have talked to a few people about said idea, and I get a lot of slack - seems to be that no one really believes in me. That's okay - haters are motivators! They tell me that its going to be long hours and a lot of hard work. No really?! Never would have got that - that's what I do regardless of what the job is - I am fully vested - more like 120% even whenever my name isn't the one on the front door, nor am I personally reaping any of the benefit of my hard work. I am a pretty selfless person and getting taken advantage of is what I am good at, whenever it comes to working. Anyhow! So yesterday, a person I work with said that they would be an investor come the summer for my business idea, because they knew I would be amazing at anything that I do. That ... that to me is the best compliment I have ever received. I always believe in myself, even whenever no one else does. Sometimes its out of spite, but hey whatever motivates you.
This is going to happen, I am sure of it now. I will start doing all that I have to do to get the ball rolling, with or without anyone else's help, except my investor.
I guess really after typing it all out. The best compliment is TRUST. Whenever someone actually trusts you, you feel more confident with your thoughts and visions. Whenever people give you excuses and/or ask your opinion on something and then do the complete and utter opposite, then wonder why there not getting anywhere, it breaks you down. As if your words were okay to hear, but you obviously have no idea what you are talking about!
2015 is on a good track so far. Things look to be a positive year. I know it will be a tough year, but that's okay. Good thing I am a very tough person and look forward to big challenges!
That happened to me yesterday. I have been mulling around an idea of business to open in the are I live. Its always been a dream of mine to be able to open a place like this and be successful. One thing is for certain, I will be successful, just the road getting there is a slight bit bumpy. I have talked to a few people about said idea, and I get a lot of slack - seems to be that no one really believes in me. That's okay - haters are motivators! They tell me that its going to be long hours and a lot of hard work. No really?! Never would have got that - that's what I do regardless of what the job is - I am fully vested - more like 120% even whenever my name isn't the one on the front door, nor am I personally reaping any of the benefit of my hard work. I am a pretty selfless person and getting taken advantage of is what I am good at, whenever it comes to working. Anyhow! So yesterday, a person I work with said that they would be an investor come the summer for my business idea, because they knew I would be amazing at anything that I do. That ... that to me is the best compliment I have ever received. I always believe in myself, even whenever no one else does. Sometimes its out of spite, but hey whatever motivates you.
This is going to happen, I am sure of it now. I will start doing all that I have to do to get the ball rolling, with or without anyone else's help, except my investor.
I guess really after typing it all out. The best compliment is TRUST. Whenever someone actually trusts you, you feel more confident with your thoughts and visions. Whenever people give you excuses and/or ask your opinion on something and then do the complete and utter opposite, then wonder why there not getting anywhere, it breaks you down. As if your words were okay to hear, but you obviously have no idea what you are talking about!
2015 is on a good track so far. Things look to be a positive year. I know it will be a tough year, but that's okay. Good thing I am a very tough person and look forward to big challenges!
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Good News?
I try to make on only one post per day, so yesterday whenever I received some good news from my friend back in MO, I wanted to update but held back.
There is multiple reasons why I wanted to update. Some good and some bad.
She had called me a few weeks back and it was the weeks that we were staying late at the office for patients, and I just had never remembered to call her back. I seen that she was on facebook while I was getting all my tax documents together, since it is that time of year. Whenever she replied that she had something to tell me, I already had an idea of what it was. She calls me and she says she is pregnant. She prefaced with she was almost sad to tell me the news, which to some would be disrespectful, but to me met that actually cared about my feelings. I know its a troubled situation for her, but I am happy for her and I know she will be a great mother. She waited 7 months to tell me. She is truly a great friend, and even though we have not been close through out the bought with infertility, I still feel like she is literally one of my only family or friends that truly understands what I am going through mentally/emotionally. Which is just amazing to me.
I am not going to lie and say that I remained super joyous after I hung up with her. That would be a complete lie. I literally walked into the office where Luis was sitting on the couch and curled up in his arms and just cried for a while. All the cats came and sat by and on us while we just cried for a bit. No words were spoken, or even needed to be said, just tears. My friend had given me a little infant outfit back whenever we first started treatments, and I kept it in a hope trunk. Well Sunday, with 2015 being my b*tch, I finally opened the hope trunk to face the outfit, and reached in and threw it in the trash. I love my friend and I love her idea of being positive and not lose faith, but hey I also have to face reality as well. That was my/our way of dealing with things. Now I wish I would have saved it to send to my friend who is now having a baby.
Will things ever be the same with any of my friends, probably not. All of us have moved in different directions of our lives, with different goals and aspirations. I can still relate mostly to her, others I have lost the connection with. There may never be another connection with other friends sadly. Some of my own family that I was the closest to, I no longer have a connection with. These types of situations happen all throughout adulthood. Some people never really experience it, but Luis and I both have. It is sometimes sad whenever you feel like you have no friends to call and chat with, but if we did, what would we talk about? The past? Its the past for a reason. I have no need to keep reliving the past and pretending like I want to go back there. While it was fun at the time, its really not that important now.
Sorry, I went into a rant sort of! Ahhh adulthood ...... being an adult is sometimes very trying.
There is multiple reasons why I wanted to update. Some good and some bad.
She had called me a few weeks back and it was the weeks that we were staying late at the office for patients, and I just had never remembered to call her back. I seen that she was on facebook while I was getting all my tax documents together, since it is that time of year. Whenever she replied that she had something to tell me, I already had an idea of what it was. She calls me and she says she is pregnant. She prefaced with she was almost sad to tell me the news, which to some would be disrespectful, but to me met that actually cared about my feelings. I know its a troubled situation for her, but I am happy for her and I know she will be a great mother. She waited 7 months to tell me. She is truly a great friend, and even though we have not been close through out the bought with infertility, I still feel like she is literally one of my only family or friends that truly understands what I am going through mentally/emotionally. Which is just amazing to me.
I am not going to lie and say that I remained super joyous after I hung up with her. That would be a complete lie. I literally walked into the office where Luis was sitting on the couch and curled up in his arms and just cried for a while. All the cats came and sat by and on us while we just cried for a bit. No words were spoken, or even needed to be said, just tears. My friend had given me a little infant outfit back whenever we first started treatments, and I kept it in a hope trunk. Well Sunday, with 2015 being my b*tch, I finally opened the hope trunk to face the outfit, and reached in and threw it in the trash. I love my friend and I love her idea of being positive and not lose faith, but hey I also have to face reality as well. That was my/our way of dealing with things. Now I wish I would have saved it to send to my friend who is now having a baby.
Will things ever be the same with any of my friends, probably not. All of us have moved in different directions of our lives, with different goals and aspirations. I can still relate mostly to her, others I have lost the connection with. There may never be another connection with other friends sadly. Some of my own family that I was the closest to, I no longer have a connection with. These types of situations happen all throughout adulthood. Some people never really experience it, but Luis and I both have. It is sometimes sad whenever you feel like you have no friends to call and chat with, but if we did, what would we talk about? The past? Its the past for a reason. I have no need to keep reliving the past and pretending like I want to go back there. While it was fun at the time, its really not that important now.
Sorry, I went into a rant sort of! Ahhh adulthood ...... being an adult is sometimes very trying.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Starting a new year.
I once proclaimed in 2012 that 2013 would be my b*tch, and well for a lack of better description, yes, yes it was my b*tch. I was very thrilled with that. 2014 - we had a love hate relationship. A lot of great things happened and a lot of not so great things happened. I suffered with just being in a blah stance on life - after all of the not so great things happened.
Well I am happy to say that 2015 will be OUR b*tch, and well mine too - because everyone knows in a marriage - what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine - quoted from a very intelligent woman - Joyce Tiefenthaler. I am sick of being a person sitting on the sidelines, waiting for good things to happen to me. I know some of those things will never happen for us, and we are dealing with that. I know there are things that I/we can make happen, and this year, we will.
I once swore I'd never have it in my kitchen again - it was all but a crutch. It is a crutch, but acknowledging that is that is fine. I am talking about program food. Its okay, its my fuel, its our fuel. It will fuel us to our goal, and once we get there I am going to go about transiting a little different. The transition for most programs, as I hate to admit since I am a coach for the company, are made to make you keep coming back. I will skip wheats and grains, which it has you be very co dependent on in transition. I immediately started to gain weight - which is normal, but only 10lbs or so. Then I of course, was too cocky and went over board and ended where I am now.
I started last week back on the program. Today I did my first weigh in - I had lost 10lbs. Which is normal for the first week - its basically a detox. I hope to be at goal in about 6 months - which is not too drastic - I am definitely not trying to lose 110+lbs again.
I am also trying to get a second job. I really like my job that I have now, the pay is just not what I need to be at. I took a pretty significant pay decrease when we moved to Texas. Also, I didn't have a paycheck for close to 5 months, so that hit us pretty hard. I need to get caught back up. I am sure as most of you are enjoying the low low gas prices, I am not. I'd rather they'd go back like they were so that my husband's occupation wouldn't be so questionable. All oil and gas companies are laying off employees by the thousands. Its very nerve racking, and just completely unsettling. So I am trying to make the best of it, by getting a second job, to hopefully build back our savings, incase of an emergency. Thats all I am going to say about that - that is the stress I am dealing with. Other than the constant dealings with not being trusted completely and the constant snooping - but then being told I am trusted. That will never stop because that is just who I work for. In that sense I am learning to deal with that too.
This was supposed to be a small entry that turned into something more!
Just make 2015 your b*tch people!
Well I am happy to say that 2015 will be OUR b*tch, and well mine too - because everyone knows in a marriage - what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine - quoted from a very intelligent woman - Joyce Tiefenthaler. I am sick of being a person sitting on the sidelines, waiting for good things to happen to me. I know some of those things will never happen for us, and we are dealing with that. I know there are things that I/we can make happen, and this year, we will.
I once swore I'd never have it in my kitchen again - it was all but a crutch. It is a crutch, but acknowledging that is that is fine. I am talking about program food. Its okay, its my fuel, its our fuel. It will fuel us to our goal, and once we get there I am going to go about transiting a little different. The transition for most programs, as I hate to admit since I am a coach for the company, are made to make you keep coming back. I will skip wheats and grains, which it has you be very co dependent on in transition. I immediately started to gain weight - which is normal, but only 10lbs or so. Then I of course, was too cocky and went over board and ended where I am now.
I started last week back on the program. Today I did my first weigh in - I had lost 10lbs. Which is normal for the first week - its basically a detox. I hope to be at goal in about 6 months - which is not too drastic - I am definitely not trying to lose 110+lbs again.
I am also trying to get a second job. I really like my job that I have now, the pay is just not what I need to be at. I took a pretty significant pay decrease when we moved to Texas. Also, I didn't have a paycheck for close to 5 months, so that hit us pretty hard. I need to get caught back up. I am sure as most of you are enjoying the low low gas prices, I am not. I'd rather they'd go back like they were so that my husband's occupation wouldn't be so questionable. All oil and gas companies are laying off employees by the thousands. Its very nerve racking, and just completely unsettling. So I am trying to make the best of it, by getting a second job, to hopefully build back our savings, incase of an emergency. Thats all I am going to say about that - that is the stress I am dealing with. Other than the constant dealings with not being trusted completely and the constant snooping - but then being told I am trusted. That will never stop because that is just who I work for. In that sense I am learning to deal with that too.
This was supposed to be a small entry that turned into something more!
Just make 2015 your b*tch people!
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Massive Update to present
Its been a long while since I have made a post. There has just been so much going on, almost too much to post.
November was a whirlwind of a month. The office was actually pretty busy around the holidays, because apparently everyone wants to get a root canal the week before and the week of Thanksgiving. Doesn't seem like something I'd be interested in - but hey - to each their own. Also, MIL visited for 2 weeks, maybe a little longer - first part of December. This visit was different, which I knew it would be, especially with Luis having family here in Dallas. I thought it would be a great Thanksgiving - and I guess in the eyes of some it was a great holiday. For me, not so much. Sure, I loved cooking - you know like prepping things the week of - late at night because I had patients every day the week of Thanksgiving that lasted until the later hours of the evening. Getting home around 9 to eat and do laundry then start prepping things is not the most ideal situation, but hey, its in the name of love, family and the holidays. Thanksgiving morning I made the traditional Thanksgiving breakfast, pumpkin french toast - they turned out very good I'd like to say. We watched the Macy's parade while I started on the pies and the Turkey. I also cleaned the entire house - like deep cleaned, because of the cat hair, and there was going to be little kids in the house. I also made a few appetizers to snack on since we were not having an actual lunch meal that day. I made a veggie pizza, dill bread bowl dip, little bbq smokies, and some cheese and crackers, olives - you know little snack-y foods. I also made lemonade for the kids to drink and sangria for the adults. I worked tirelessly in the kitchen for what seemed like 24 hours but was actually only about 6. I made a 25lb turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sauteed green beans w/pearl onions and bacon, roasted brussel sprouts w/bacon, corn casserole, and rolls. I also made two pies from scratch - a pumpkin and apple cinnamon. I'm sure there is something else I am forgetting in there as well. Luis Mom made some potato salad and some yellow rice. I cleaned up all the finger foods, put all the foods out on the serving table. I just sat back while people filled their plates in enjoyment ... that was until I seen that no one ate any of the food that I had made, except Luis. Sure they had a little bit of corn casserole and turkey of course, but that was it. Things changed from that moment. I will never prepare another family style meal for a holiday again. I had to eat all the left overs myself for the entire week. I finally had to make shepards pie to get rid of the last of them so they wouldn't spoil. I was just very hurt. I had went out of my way to make a great holiday experience and that's not the result that happened. I was ignored (which happens sometimes by accident since I don't speak spanish) I don't care about that as much as why have me cook the meal if no one is going to eat it, especially if you know or should I say don't want them to eat it. This trip I kept picking up little hints of resentment everywhere. I knew things would be different, I really did. We are in a new to us house, that is 30 years old and like half the house we had before. To someone who visits its like night and day to what we had before, it really is. But we really love our house - except the windows - we for sure need new windows! I was so aggravated and hurt from Thanksgiving, we didn't even go black friday shopping - just to a few places like Petsmart, Khols, and Carters.
So on ward to December. It starts off slow and I get somethings accomplished. Then it would seem that after our work Christmas party the month melts away. Again, people with the obsession of getting root canals done the week of Christmas, we are here late every night the week before Christmas, and luckily we were closed the week of Christmas. I made cookies for all of the referring offices and went and delivered them, all the offices loved them. I also made some sugar hand scrubs for one office that refers a lot to us. I think that went over very well with them. I really enjoyed making them and that office in general so its worth it to me. We went to back to MO to celebrate Christmas. My dad is in the process of remodeling/adding on to his house, so he had the room for us to stay instead of paying for a hotel for the week and boarding the cats. We were able to travel with the cats and include them for Christmas. I cleaned a lot at my dads and we helped him get a few things set up at his house. I just cleaned a lot .... a lot! We also helped him hang up the TV and sound bar. Luis worked on the farm, cut wood, fixed fences, fed cattle and pigs. The cats really enjoyed the country life style. They loved looking at all the wildlife all of the time. There is always something moving around outside of my dad house. Christmas was pretty good, only a few hiccups of arguing with family. I didn't travel outside of Salem at all, well once to Rolla to mail a package. It was actually nice. I stayed at my dads most of the day while Dad and Luis worked on the farm, and I would cook and clean. Then in the evenings, whenever everyone was off of work, we would go to my Mom's to hang out. We are still trying to figure out what our Christmas is supposed to be like without Grandma Joyce. Its difficult making a new family tradition, when all you know is the one you have had all your life changes. We did Christmas Eve similar to what we have always done, we did buffet style food and opened gifts. Things were rushed a little bit because my sister had to go clean a store, but my dad went with her to help. Christmas day we had a traditional type Christmas dinner and played some Christmas games that I had brought up with us.
Next year I would like to see things be a little bit more relaxed, so that Julian can actually open all his presents without being rushed and that we all can eat and chit chat together without having to eat some and then let Amber leave and finish after the presents were shredded in about 5 mins. I just like things to be a bit more relaxed. I was unaware I would be setting up all the food for the buffet, I would have not cleaned my dads house and went up and did that at my Moms with my sister Amy and set up all the stuff for that evening with Amy. Now I know for next year! I'll be better prepared!
One thing I forgot to post about is that we adopted a new kitten around Thanksgiving. His name at the shelter was Ember - he has been renamed to fit our cat pack as Tito. I have a feeling this one is going to be giant. He is a blonde wonder cat as well, but instead of the swirl markings that Mango and Rico have, he has stripes. Tito is 8-9 months old and such a sweet big kitten. I say big because he is like 4 times the size of my moms kitten that is about the same age. Tito has massive paws, like huge! He is cuddly and kissy. Rico and Tito are best buds, while Mango is still letting him know that all the house is hers, she just lets the rest of us hang out there from time to time. Tito is going to eat Luis and I out of house and home before too long. He is always hungry and is just a bottomless pit of kitten belly.
So that brings us in the new year. Already, its been kinda bumpy, but already getting better. I am finding new drive, in different avenues. Things I did not think I would want to do are seeming like I will do them, it may take me sometime to be able to get everything together to set up. But believe this, I will achieve it, just because people have doubt in me.
November was a whirlwind of a month. The office was actually pretty busy around the holidays, because apparently everyone wants to get a root canal the week before and the week of Thanksgiving. Doesn't seem like something I'd be interested in - but hey - to each their own. Also, MIL visited for 2 weeks, maybe a little longer - first part of December. This visit was different, which I knew it would be, especially with Luis having family here in Dallas. I thought it would be a great Thanksgiving - and I guess in the eyes of some it was a great holiday. For me, not so much. Sure, I loved cooking - you know like prepping things the week of - late at night because I had patients every day the week of Thanksgiving that lasted until the later hours of the evening. Getting home around 9 to eat and do laundry then start prepping things is not the most ideal situation, but hey, its in the name of love, family and the holidays. Thanksgiving morning I made the traditional Thanksgiving breakfast, pumpkin french toast - they turned out very good I'd like to say. We watched the Macy's parade while I started on the pies and the Turkey. I also cleaned the entire house - like deep cleaned, because of the cat hair, and there was going to be little kids in the house. I also made a few appetizers to snack on since we were not having an actual lunch meal that day. I made a veggie pizza, dill bread bowl dip, little bbq smokies, and some cheese and crackers, olives - you know little snack-y foods. I also made lemonade for the kids to drink and sangria for the adults. I worked tirelessly in the kitchen for what seemed like 24 hours but was actually only about 6. I made a 25lb turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, sauteed green beans w/pearl onions and bacon, roasted brussel sprouts w/bacon, corn casserole, and rolls. I also made two pies from scratch - a pumpkin and apple cinnamon. I'm sure there is something else I am forgetting in there as well. Luis Mom made some potato salad and some yellow rice. I cleaned up all the finger foods, put all the foods out on the serving table. I just sat back while people filled their plates in enjoyment ... that was until I seen that no one ate any of the food that I had made, except Luis. Sure they had a little bit of corn casserole and turkey of course, but that was it. Things changed from that moment. I will never prepare another family style meal for a holiday again. I had to eat all the left overs myself for the entire week. I finally had to make shepards pie to get rid of the last of them so they wouldn't spoil. I was just very hurt. I had went out of my way to make a great holiday experience and that's not the result that happened. I was ignored (which happens sometimes by accident since I don't speak spanish) I don't care about that as much as why have me cook the meal if no one is going to eat it, especially if you know or should I say don't want them to eat it. This trip I kept picking up little hints of resentment everywhere. I knew things would be different, I really did. We are in a new to us house, that is 30 years old and like half the house we had before. To someone who visits its like night and day to what we had before, it really is. But we really love our house - except the windows - we for sure need new windows! I was so aggravated and hurt from Thanksgiving, we didn't even go black friday shopping - just to a few places like Petsmart, Khols, and Carters.
So on ward to December. It starts off slow and I get somethings accomplished. Then it would seem that after our work Christmas party the month melts away. Again, people with the obsession of getting root canals done the week of Christmas, we are here late every night the week before Christmas, and luckily we were closed the week of Christmas. I made cookies for all of the referring offices and went and delivered them, all the offices loved them. I also made some sugar hand scrubs for one office that refers a lot to us. I think that went over very well with them. I really enjoyed making them and that office in general so its worth it to me. We went to back to MO to celebrate Christmas. My dad is in the process of remodeling/adding on to his house, so he had the room for us to stay instead of paying for a hotel for the week and boarding the cats. We were able to travel with the cats and include them for Christmas. I cleaned a lot at my dads and we helped him get a few things set up at his house. I just cleaned a lot .... a lot! We also helped him hang up the TV and sound bar. Luis worked on the farm, cut wood, fixed fences, fed cattle and pigs. The cats really enjoyed the country life style. They loved looking at all the wildlife all of the time. There is always something moving around outside of my dad house. Christmas was pretty good, only a few hiccups of arguing with family. I didn't travel outside of Salem at all, well once to Rolla to mail a package. It was actually nice. I stayed at my dads most of the day while Dad and Luis worked on the farm, and I would cook and clean. Then in the evenings, whenever everyone was off of work, we would go to my Mom's to hang out. We are still trying to figure out what our Christmas is supposed to be like without Grandma Joyce. Its difficult making a new family tradition, when all you know is the one you have had all your life changes. We did Christmas Eve similar to what we have always done, we did buffet style food and opened gifts. Things were rushed a little bit because my sister had to go clean a store, but my dad went with her to help. Christmas day we had a traditional type Christmas dinner and played some Christmas games that I had brought up with us.
Next year I would like to see things be a little bit more relaxed, so that Julian can actually open all his presents without being rushed and that we all can eat and chit chat together without having to eat some and then let Amber leave and finish after the presents were shredded in about 5 mins. I just like things to be a bit more relaxed. I was unaware I would be setting up all the food for the buffet, I would have not cleaned my dads house and went up and did that at my Moms with my sister Amy and set up all the stuff for that evening with Amy. Now I know for next year! I'll be better prepared!
One thing I forgot to post about is that we adopted a new kitten around Thanksgiving. His name at the shelter was Ember - he has been renamed to fit our cat pack as Tito. I have a feeling this one is going to be giant. He is a blonde wonder cat as well, but instead of the swirl markings that Mango and Rico have, he has stripes. Tito is 8-9 months old and such a sweet big kitten. I say big because he is like 4 times the size of my moms kitten that is about the same age. Tito has massive paws, like huge! He is cuddly and kissy. Rico and Tito are best buds, while Mango is still letting him know that all the house is hers, she just lets the rest of us hang out there from time to time. Tito is going to eat Luis and I out of house and home before too long. He is always hungry and is just a bottomless pit of kitten belly.
So that brings us in the new year. Already, its been kinda bumpy, but already getting better. I am finding new drive, in different avenues. Things I did not think I would want to do are seeming like I will do them, it may take me sometime to be able to get everything together to set up. But believe this, I will achieve it, just because people have doubt in me.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Small Changes
After this past couple of weeks events, its made me really look deeper into my thought process and me in general.
After chatting with a patient, it made me remember something that our fertility doctor back in Louisiana told me. A diet is only as good as the person that is doing it. Which a year ago, I was in a way better place mentally and stress wise. So that is why I was experiencing such great success. Bottom line, I was a better person last year - to some extent. I need to get my head wrapped back around positive thinkings, get things back on my standards, not just talk about it, do it. No more excuses for what could have been, should have been, or any because of this blah blah. I need to be accountable for myself and my actions, also help my clients with Take Shape for Life to feel the same as well. I do not have any active clients right now, which is also making me less accountable. Usually we are accountable together - which helps and motivates everyone involved.
I have been making a bunch of small excuses here and there, well that is about to be all over today. No more cheating. I think the real thing I noticed is, while it is completely and utterly vain, I did not like the way I looked in the mirror whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection while sitting my bench in front of my bed this AM. This is the first time since post weight loss I have not liked how I looked. Its mostly because I am bloated, because we have been "cheating" more than usual (mentally it helps cope with everything) but we are trying to get out of old habits once again. Old habits are hard to knock - because they are comfortable. Comfortable is homey and feels good. It is time to rock comforts world and get back to that new comfortable Luis and I created a year ago. Its just finding it again.
I signed up for a 3 day pass at the gym in The Colony so that I could work out in the AM. I am much more sedentary in my new job, so the weight loss is not as fast and that is just frustrating. This go around, I would like to also try to tone more to see how much muscle I can build up vs just losing fat and possible some muscle. What people most of the time do not understand is that while you are seeing pounds moving on the scale - there is both good and bad pounds to lose. Good pounds is that pure fat, nasty storage fat. The bad pounds to lose are muscle - you never want to lose muscle! I think that in the past I have more than likely lost both fat and muscle. This time around I'd like to avoid that.
I do know that with the holidays coming up and family coming to visit and us going to see family things are going to be progresses at a slow rate. Let's face it, the people you love and hold the most dear in your life do not like that you have decided to make a change to be healthier, they do not understand it. They will for sure not understand it now that fertility is not a factor of it. I am just sick of being big and have been being big all of my life. I just want to be where I feel comfortable in myself, my health, and my body. I need to find a new positive drive and get back on focus. That started with me again seeing my self worth for who I am. Sometimes, some really terrible events have to happen before you are ready to see that for what it is. I am there now.
After chatting with a patient, it made me remember something that our fertility doctor back in Louisiana told me. A diet is only as good as the person that is doing it. Which a year ago, I was in a way better place mentally and stress wise. So that is why I was experiencing such great success. Bottom line, I was a better person last year - to some extent. I need to get my head wrapped back around positive thinkings, get things back on my standards, not just talk about it, do it. No more excuses for what could have been, should have been, or any because of this blah blah. I need to be accountable for myself and my actions, also help my clients with Take Shape for Life to feel the same as well. I do not have any active clients right now, which is also making me less accountable. Usually we are accountable together - which helps and motivates everyone involved.
I have been making a bunch of small excuses here and there, well that is about to be all over today. No more cheating. I think the real thing I noticed is, while it is completely and utterly vain, I did not like the way I looked in the mirror whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection while sitting my bench in front of my bed this AM. This is the first time since post weight loss I have not liked how I looked. Its mostly because I am bloated, because we have been "cheating" more than usual (mentally it helps cope with everything) but we are trying to get out of old habits once again. Old habits are hard to knock - because they are comfortable. Comfortable is homey and feels good. It is time to rock comforts world and get back to that new comfortable Luis and I created a year ago. Its just finding it again.
I signed up for a 3 day pass at the gym in The Colony so that I could work out in the AM. I am much more sedentary in my new job, so the weight loss is not as fast and that is just frustrating. This go around, I would like to also try to tone more to see how much muscle I can build up vs just losing fat and possible some muscle. What people most of the time do not understand is that while you are seeing pounds moving on the scale - there is both good and bad pounds to lose. Good pounds is that pure fat, nasty storage fat. The bad pounds to lose are muscle - you never want to lose muscle! I think that in the past I have more than likely lost both fat and muscle. This time around I'd like to avoid that.
I do know that with the holidays coming up and family coming to visit and us going to see family things are going to be progresses at a slow rate. Let's face it, the people you love and hold the most dear in your life do not like that you have decided to make a change to be healthier, they do not understand it. They will for sure not understand it now that fertility is not a factor of it. I am just sick of being big and have been being big all of my life. I just want to be where I feel comfortable in myself, my health, and my body. I need to find a new positive drive and get back on focus. That started with me again seeing my self worth for who I am. Sometimes, some really terrible events have to happen before you are ready to see that for what it is. I am there now.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Amber's Accident
I had started an entry about a week ago and had to stop. Too painful. The something even worse happened last Saturday afternoon. Amy, one of the twins, called me in tears and tells me that Amber has been in a terrible accident and she is being flown to Mercy in Springfield. My heart literally stopped and I told Amy to remain calm and be there for Amber - Luis and I would be there as soon as we could. Luis and I frantically began ripping clothing out of the closet and shoving into our luggage. I text my neighbors and left our house. The entire drive Luis and I talked about random things to keep my mind off of things, but I still just kept thinking, god I hope she is alright, I hope she has no broken bones, and I hope she can still walk, most importantly I hope she lives. My dad called and said she had rolled her car several times, that witness said it was at least 6 times. I never said it aloud, but I thought to myself "my god, I hope she makes it" Most people do not roll their car 6 times and get to talk about it later. By the time nightfall came, my mom had called me and said she is conscious and they are going to be doing a CTScan on her to check for internal bleeding and her neck/spine. Luis and I were both relieved to know she was awake and able to get up for a CTScan. Then Angie facetimes us, and its Amber in a neckbrace, covered in blood, just sitting in the bed like nothing big had happened. When I seen that I knew things would be pretty OK no matter what her injuries were because she was in good spirits. By the time we were close to MO we got the word that she was being dismissed - and had no internal bleeding, neck and spine were good, and she would just be extremely sore and bruised. All I know, whether you believe in miracles or Angels, she experienced both of those phenomenons that afternoon. I know Grandma Joyce, Grandpa, and Uncle Jesse all save her during that wreck, and a miracle that she didn't have any sort of serious injuries. I was happy to have driven 6 hours and seen my sister laughing and talking like nothing happened after just being in a terrible accident. Thank God for that! It was a nice impromptu visit to see my family - but I never want it to be under those circumstances again.
My original post was going to be about our last doctor's visit. I had gotten too emotional when typing it and had to just shut the PC down. Luis and I found out a week ago that we will never have any biological children. It really sucks to actually hear and type those words out. We have talked and talked about it and how it would be okay. But there was always hope in there, it wasn't a for sure thing that would be happening. But to hear it and know it after all the progress we have made, it just sucks. We really both have an issue with people that do not deserve to have one child, let alone be pregnant. What did they do to deserve to be fertile, while a couple like us are paying the price. It seems like every lowlife, crackhead, or con is as fertile as they come. It just sucks. I am not going to say things are fine, they aren't at all. Luis and I both are very upset and struggling with depression.
I hate to say this, but at least my sisters accident helped me to not think about it for a while. I was prepared to spend a lot of time in MO if need be. While I don't want to quit my job, I would have to stay in MO to help take care of Julian with my sister got better, because my mom cannot afford to not work. I really do not want to talk about fertility anymore, so I will leave you with a few picture os Amber's car.
My original post was going to be about our last doctor's visit. I had gotten too emotional when typing it and had to just shut the PC down. Luis and I found out a week ago that we will never have any biological children. It really sucks to actually hear and type those words out. We have talked and talked about it and how it would be okay. But there was always hope in there, it wasn't a for sure thing that would be happening. But to hear it and know it after all the progress we have made, it just sucks. We really both have an issue with people that do not deserve to have one child, let alone be pregnant. What did they do to deserve to be fertile, while a couple like us are paying the price. It seems like every lowlife, crackhead, or con is as fertile as they come. It just sucks. I am not going to say things are fine, they aren't at all. Luis and I both are very upset and struggling with depression.
I hate to say this, but at least my sisters accident helped me to not think about it for a while. I was prepared to spend a lot of time in MO if need be. While I don't want to quit my job, I would have to stay in MO to help take care of Julian with my sister got better, because my mom cannot afford to not work. I really do not want to talk about fertility anymore, so I will leave you with a few picture os Amber's car.
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